sometimes real life is a living nightmare

Picking up the telephone and hearing the words “Your mom has been rushed to the hospital”.

Hours in the Emergency Room, waiting for an explanation for why Mom is having difficulty breathing and is in agonizing pain.

The answer finally found, and a whirlwind of nurses and a surgeon coming in, “We have to operate immediately.”

Nine days of daily hospital visits as she began to recover, seeing her with a nasogastric tube (in her nose to her stomach) causing discomfort and pain.

Finally bringing her home, being the caretaker as she continues to get better but is in much pain and still weak and very tired. 

To be in the position of daughter seeing mother so weary, ill and suffering has shaken my world. I could have lost her…would have lost her, had she not fallen so ill that day and had that surgery. 

I am suddenly faced with the reality that my mom…my closest confidante, the one who has raised me and loved me always no matter what, who has shaped me into the person I am today…really will not be here forever. Though I am a fully grown woman in her mid-twenties, a part of me has stubbornly stuck to the childhood innocence of Mommy being the invincible superhero, who has never been seriously ill and will forever be within reach if I need her.  That image has forever been shattered.

It is not that I will now live in constant fear of her dying, but I have been changed by these recent events.  Right now it is still raw, and she is still not well. The role of keeping the home in order and tending to mom’s needs has been handed over to me and my sister. There are moments of intense sadness and feeling overwhelmed. Stress and worry levels are high.   

Like everything though, this too will pass. As the days go by and she continues to feel better, and as our lives will go back to as they were before this happened, I know I will come out of this having gained a greater appreciation for her and will more deeply cherish the time that we do have together.