assurance, empathy

“You aren’t alone.”

“I understand.”

I don’t think there are words much more comforting to hear. To know that someone else has been where you are, to know that they really do understand, and to know that they made it.

I just want to make it, too. And maybe, to be able to someday assure someone that yeah, I’ve been there. I truly empathize with you. And you’re going to be okay, too.

miss you.

I miss you, with your never-ending smiles, a spirit of nothing but pure uninhibited joy.

You, who would laugh out loud with no reserves when something delighted or amused you, and unabashedly cry when hurt or felt sorrow.

You, who had no understanding of time except right in the moment and only knowing “soon” meant not right that moment, but just a short time before some promised event would happen that filled you with anticipation and excitement. Who knew Mommy and Daddy were always right there, blissfully unaware that they might ever grow old and will leave you someday.

Who loved yourself fully and unconditionally, unable to hate yourself or feel self-conscious or insecure. Who did not know anyone else who might fill your head with false, damaging ideas about yourself. Who did not know the meanings of words like weird, useless or ugly.

You, unable to appreciate and understand just what you were simply because you knew yourself in no other way except as the beautiful, honest, pure soul that you were.

I do miss you.

It’s the simple things…

Good conversation with interesting topics and lots of laughter

Freshly brewed coffee

Sitting outside, the sun on my face, taking time to simply appreciate nature around me

An email from a friend - or even better, a snail mail letter from a friend

A compliment from a stranger, especially on a particularly down day

Dark chocolate

A marathon of a favorite TV show

Joyful barking and kisses from the dog after coming home from a long day

Driving around with my sister, talking about everything and nothing

Have you ever taken a minute to reflect on and appreciate the simple pleasures of life? What are the little things that bring you the most joy in your days?

reading and writing and…that’s what’s important to me

This evening I was in my basement digging around for something or other, and I came across a box containing my old books from childhood. Flipping through, I saw so many old familiar favorites and was brought back to my memories of sharing reading time with my mother. She instilled a love for reading in me as long ago as I can remember, and it has been an integral part of me ever since.

I have many memories of sitting with her while she read me book after book. I also would love it when she would make up stories, especially at bedtime. I actually looked forward to going to sleep because of storytime.

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rain

Nature’s alarm clock woke me up this morning with the sounds of a noisy autumn thunderstorm.

I like a sunny day as much as the next person, but I also love the rain. There is some kind of coziness about a gloomy, cloudy day.

Balance is good for us. Without the rainy days we can’t appreciate the beautiful sunny ones, too.

sometimes real life is a living nightmare

Picking up the telephone and hearing the words “Your mom has been rushed to the hospital”.

Hours in the Emergency Room, waiting for an explanation for why Mom is having difficulty breathing and is in agonizing pain.

The answer finally found, and a whirlwind of nurses and a surgeon coming in, “We have to operate immediately.”

Nine days of daily hospital visits as she began to recover, seeing her with a nasogastric tube (in her nose to her stomach) causing discomfort and pain.

Finally bringing her home, being the caretaker as she continues to get better but is in much pain and still weak and very tired. 

To be in the position of daughter seeing mother so weary, ill and suffering has shaken my world. I could have lost her…would have lost her, had she not fallen so ill that day and had that surgery.

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